Last Day in Gugs

People are still in a difficult mood this morning because of yesterday and because we had to say goodbye to home stay families that we have been getting so close to. We went to Thembalethu School for children with special needs. Thembalethu means our hope. They take in children that have CP, polio, amputees, and other things. From what I understand they teach at the same pace normal schools in the area do so they can’t take in students with learning disabilities. I thought this was so different because in the US we pretty much only consider special needs as learning disabilities. We got to look around in the classrooms, at the playground area, and then in the specific rooms where they work with certain disabilities in helping them use a computer, work on speech, or fix/maintain wheelchairs that are custom for each student. Then some of the kids gathered in the cafeteria area and started singing songs for us.  Seeing these younger kids that are faced with such difficulties singing happily together for us put a huge smile on my face. It was a great way to say goodbye to Gugs. I guess we were supposed to stay there for a few hours and do crafts with the kids, but the Reverend wanted us to come back so we could talk with him about the week. When we got there it was basically just us asking him questions. I recorded the whole conversation, but I’ll admit I had a hard time remaining present. It was only when someone asked how the GLBT community was treated or if there were any support groups when I got really interested in the conversation. Reverend was acting like he didn’t want to talk about it or like he didn’t know so he called Charlie and got him to come in asap to talk to us. I was so surprised what Charlie had to say. Charlie was born a girl and now identifies as a boy. He came out one day and told the Reverend who accepted him for who he was. God makes everyone and that was enough for him to accept him. Charlie then had to give a presentation to the members of the church explaining everything and he even put on a play about it. He says that everyone is perfectly accepting of him, and even though according to all his documents he’s still a girl they let him join the men’s group. Members of the church/community that had children who were GLBT and they kicked them out came up to him and said how eye opening everything he did was. How they wished that they could go back and time and make things right. What baffled me the most about this is back in the states churches are typically the last people to accept anyone of the GLBT community. One also typically thinks it’s the highly educated and well off people that know more and there for should be more accepting and it’s the complete opposite in this township. I also was just so surprised because we’ve been talking about how racism can still be seen and remnants of apartheid are everywhere. Charlie couldn’t stay long because he had other things to do but I’m so happy we had a chance to talk to him. It gives me hope that one day everyone will be accepted by everyone else.

It was sad leaving Gugs back for Riverview Lodge but my eyes have definitely been opened. Sometimes you have to lose something before you can really appreciate what you have and this helped me realize things. This whole week was such a challenging experience that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Tomorrow were going to the Wine lands intentionally just so we can see the opposite end of the spectrum.

Day 5 in Gugs

Today is Suzie's 21^st birthday so last night I had my home stay mom teach my how to sing happy birthday in Xhosa. So in the morning when Suzie got to the center we all broke out singing it to her. We started the morning by having Kenneth come in and talk to us. He works for the Institutes for Justice and Reconciliation and knows a lot about the Truth and Reconciliation Committee. For the most part he just gave us a general review of everything and then he showed us the introduction chapter to a DVD about apartheid and the TRC. He works a lot on community healing and he shows the DVD to community leaders in hopes that he can help them understand better what happened and how to address the issues in his or her community. I was having a hard time being present for the beginning part of his conversation because we get a lot of noise from the kitchen filtering into the room and he had a quite voice. The one thing I did take away from him that I really liked is “If we don’t know how the past came to be, then were not going to recognize it when it comes again.” This is why he goes around and continues to talk about everything that happened during apartheid even though he told us some would rather ignore it and not teach it. The DVD also gets pretty graphic at parts he says and a lot of people are apposed to showing students it, but he thinks they need to see it (everyone does) because then it shows you that real humans did this. If you read it in a book it feels like it happened forever ago and it’s easy to write it off as though the people who did it are nothing like me today so there’s no way I can do it. This kind of brought the thought up in my head that this could be the very reason why in school today back in the US we still watch a good deal of movies on the Holocaust.

After he left we did hospice visits. A lot of people’s blogs aren’t going to be happy about today, especially if they are just copying from their journals like I am. We split our group up into two smaller groups because they took the feedback from us the day before how we didn’t like how our giant group was just going around like tourists at the zoo. The first home we went to we had been told half were going to go in from our car and then come back and the other half would go to ensure that we weren’t overcrowding the homes. The patients we were visiting were living in the shacks so they had little space. I was waiting in the car and after about a minute everyone came back, nurses included and then we left to the next one. I didn’t even get to go look because I guess the patient didn’t need the nurse’s help. The second place we went was so uncomfortable for me. I hate to not really write about it but my mind hasn’t even found a way to write out what I saw and still have the same effect it had on me. The patient was a man who was unable to move from the waste down and was HIV positive. His family didn’t really know how to take care of him so they let him just sit in his waste for up to 48 hours till the nurses came back because they only come every other day. Since he doesn’t move his lower body around he had huge bedsores worse then anything I’ve ever seen. His knee was basically fully exposed with skin no longer remaining. I saw both of his sores and I couldn’t comprehend how nobody had informed the family that even just moving him around every couple of hours would help prevent that from having happened. Apparently the nurses don’t tell the families what to do at all they just come do their job and then leave. They also told Megan who is a nursing student that when they run out of the antibiotic cleaning stuff they use salt water. I’ve been in the ocean with an open cut and it burns. I can’t imagine the pain that this would cause a person. The smell too. Since the family is poor and don’t know where there next meal is coming from they rent out the front part of their shack to others who use it for a shabeen (township bar). Any sick person needs sleep but I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to sleep when right on the other side of your wall is people drinking. The mom had just gotten into town and this was one of the first times she was seeing her son. She didn’t know how serious a condition he was in and she was crying a lot of the time while staring at us and again I felt helpless. I wanted to take him to a hospital or something, but couldn’t. The head woman who came with us said she was going to do everything she could to get him a bed in the hospice the next day because he had progressed so quickly, but even if she does the family still has to find there own way to get him out there. I was holding it in fairly well, but had to go outside for a moment to try and recompose myself. I saw this dog under our van and he started walking towards me where he then curled up next to the open front of the shack. He had a huge cut on his ear that flies were flocking to and I don’t know why but this pushed me over. I hate to see animals hurt like that but the image of that man’s fully exposed knee was in my mind and I could just imagine flies going to it making things worse. At that point I wanted nothing more than to leave, but we had to stay and wait for the nurses to finish cleaning and wrapping up the sores. Before going we gave the family some money and although I’m sure they used it for food, I hope they used it to transport him to the hospice.

I felt really bad because apparently the other group had a far worse experience then we did. I don’t want to talk about it because I wasn’t there, but everyone was really upset when they got back. After lunch we went to Siyaya, which is musical group that travels the world performing. I definitely needed some music in my life and Monalisi dancing and singing helped to brighten my mood back up.  Even now typing my journal into my blog it’s really hard for me to hold back tears. If you want to read another great post about Thursday I suggest Aaron’s. I was so thankful that I got to work with the kids in the afterschool program again today though because kids just have a hold of my heart and helping 2^nd and 3^rd graders with division and measurements helped get my mind back to simpler things. At the end though I was in tears again because they were all saying “goodbye Lindsay, see you on Monday” (they don’t have this on Fridays) and even though I tried to explain they didn’t understand that I wasn’t coming back. I feel like I just helped these kids and the teacher, and everything was working and I love kids and now I can just see there faces on Monday when they realize I’m gone and I don’t want them to think I’ve abandoned them because I’ve already heard so many stories about people who have lost their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings. Today was overall a really hard day for everyone, but we knew before even coming to South Africa that this week was going to be hard. 

Day 4 in Gugs

So today was another crazy emotional roller coaster day. We did a lot of outings in the community to visit certain people. We went to Pricilla’s house and she is the foster mom of 12 children. I was surprised how much this related to the conversation Buyiswa and I were having the night before. The house was so small considering that so many people were living in it. Pricilla is actually quite old and she is recovering from a stroke so walking standing for a long time isn’t easy. She also in the morning babysits a ton of kids from the area while their parents are at work. The kids were super cute as always but the room smelt so horrible. We got to look around and see the one bedroom with 5 bunk beds shoved into it for the boys. The girl’s room only had like 3 beds in it but someone pointed out the mold in the corner. Buyiswa and I were talking about how we thought this wasn’t a good idea because one woman can’t give enough attention to all of those kids to be a good environment for them. I later realized an easier way to describe this is to animal hoarders. They love every single one of them but eventually it gets to a point where love alone isn’t enough. We also visited this one room home of someone we didn’t even get to know the name of. The room was the size of my dorm room freshmen year but that was their kitchen, living room, bedroom, everything. It was really uncomfortable for me because of the smell but also because we were just walking in to their small home and then walking out. We didn’t even get to talk to them really because we had to get out so the others could filter in.

We also went to Noxie’s school. It’s considered one of the best in the area and I don’t know about the education standards but it looked like a prison. They didn’t really have a play ground that looked safe. It was really faded and looked like it was about to fall apart. Their courtyard was also mostly cement.  The kids though were great! The first graders and kids in R (kindergarden) were singing for us in both Xhosa and English. I darn near filled my camera memory taking video of it so I can smile again.

After lunch we went and visited Mary Sili and discussed her life during apartheid. It was really sad, but I enjoyed getting to talk to her because we haven’t really talked all that much about it since we got here to Gugs. She then showed us her old passbook, which everyone of color needed to carry to prove that they were doing what they were doing for a reason. We also talked about how you can have two colored or two black parents but then you as the child can be a different race. So she identifies as black where as her sister as colored.

The part of the day that moved me most was when we visited a woman and her son, both of whom are HIV positive. She was infected through a blood transfusion and just sort of chose to ignore it since she didn’t feel sick. Then when her son was born he was really ill and small and they tested him proving he was HIV positive. It was then when she remembered. He was so tiny and sick so she tried to go back home but her family wanted nothing to do with them and kicked them to the curb. She then had no other choice but to go to the Red Cross to get the medications she and her son needed, because after he was born she then began getting very ill. He too was ill with something else when he was born and had to have a lung removed. Although it was school hours when we visited she keeps her son home from school when the weather is bad because she doesn’t want him to get sick. He has “fits” as she called them which I think are like seizures except he doesn’t show signs typical of seizures like convulsions.  She was so nice and welcoming of us into her home, and her son was for the most part just a typical kid at heart. Because he can’t always go outside the neighborhood kids and his friends come to him. She was joking that if you can’t let him go out you have to be willing to let everyone in. She was so thankful for everything she had, and was told when her son was born he would only make it 2 years tops and now he’s 8. I was just so impressed with the resilience of both of them. Under such situations I’m not sure I would have been able to care for myself and another human life just as ill.

During reflection a lot of us were struggling with the overall way we did the visits today. We felt like we were being paraded around to most of the homes to see people as if they were on display. Especially the family that lived in the hostile. We literally walked in, looked around, walked out. I know the point is to see the community as it really is; how people are living, but I guess we never truly felt welcomed to the locations in which we went. In my last leadership class we spent a great deal of time about welcoming and although we were told we were welcomed before going out, in some places we just weren’t feeling it. I also struggled a lot with wanting to do something, but knowing there is nothing I can actually do. A sense of helplessness is not something I’m used to feeling and I don’t find it comfortable to be in many places where I want to be able to do something, but cant. Some of us chipped in money, but that’s just a short-term fix since the amount wasn’t that great to make a lifetime difference. Right now I’m just feeling sort of useless. There is so much that needs help or work or even just time, and I can’t give any of that right now.

I may have forgotten to mention this yesterday but my home stay mom also received a food parcel because she is poor. Since were spending 6 days and 5 nights with them of course part of our tuition fee for this trip went straight to them so that way they could pay for the extra food we would be consuming. Last night she asked us if we liked ice cream and of course we said yes, so tonight as soon as we got home and started watching Muvhango she gave us each a bowl of ice cream. I know that we gave money so food could be bought for us, but I feel super uncomfortable because none of them are eating any ice cream at the same time. You can’t tell me out of the 3 boys not one of them wanted it. I also feel sort of in the way when it comes to dishes because I never know what to do. I have no problem washing my own or everyone’s dishes for the night but when I go into the kitchen with that thought the sink is full of many things and I don’t know if they are clean or dirty or drying or what, and while my mind is running through possible options mom takes the bowl from me and then I just stand there in the way. I have no problem if my money goes to buying ice cream that we all share and I would much prefer that. It just makes this experience all the more real. This morning I washed my hair in a bucket of water because that’s how they, and in truth most of the members of the township, wash themselves. I only did my hair and it was a challenge. Once you get it all wet and then soap your head up your rinsing the soap out of your hair with soapy water. It was a challenge and I needed Elisa’s help because of the length of my hair. I choose not to wash my entire body, and although I’m sure they’ve worked a system out I can’t imagine how it would be done. The bucket had maybe 3 inches of water in it that had to be heated in a teakettle. Now I really appreciate the showers and bathroom back at Riverview that only a few days ago I wasn’t so pleased about.

Day 3 in Gugs- Move to the Taste

So I slept much better last night! Probably because I was still really tired from the night before. We had steamed bread with cheese for breakfast and it was to die for! I’ve never really tried putting cheese on my toast before but it’s definitely going to be my new thing. Today was food parcel day. It’s actually painful for me to write this right now because of how sore my arms are right now. In simple terms today was an amazing arm work out. The truck came and we had to unload it into the church. What we did was formed a zigzag line from the truck to the spot where we wanted to set the food. At first it was like no big deal because we were tossing 4 small bags of sugar wrapped together, then samp, beans, corn flour stuff, vegetable oil, frozen chicken and flour. At first it was like no big deal but after a while it was a work out because there were 250 food parcels to be delivered so 250 of each thing inside of the food parcel. Kevin Winge was there with a woman taking tones of pictures and he grossed me out by telling me that the chicken was going to be all bloody when it started to thaw, which is what it was doing on the truck, so I was like guys I really don’t want to touch it if it’s all bloody and what not. People were fine with that but I saw the chicken after it was mostly unloaded and no such issue like Kevin freaked me out about was occurring. The place was crowded with people who were waiting for their food and also with those who hoped that they were on the list to get food. At the end of the day I saw people yelling at the Reverend because they thought their name was on the list but it wasn’t. It didn’t help that about 7 food parcels were specified for orphans and were going to be delivered to them. This means that the people who were upset they weren’t on the list thought that the food for the orphans was left over’s and they wanted it. A lot of our group got really upset because the Reverend announced how a short break was going to be taken so we could eat lunch. I was excited to eat since it was 8 hours after I had eaten breakfast, but others were really upset because all of these people who may not have eaten in days were now being publicly told we were going to go eat in the other room.

A lot of people were crying on and off and all sorts of different things were stirring up different emotions. What was hardest for me was that the Thahbange was one of the families receiving food parcels. All of the schools you have to pay for to go to and its about 150Rand a month. I was really upset because it would just make so much more sense if schools were public and free because then families would have that 150Rand a month for food and cloths. I haven’t really had time to ask anyone yet but I believe, as do others, that the schools used to be free.

After this we had the option of hanging with the kids in the afterschool Rainbow program again or sit somewhere and journal. I decided to hang with the kids because I had such a great time yesterday.  I went back to the 2^nd and 3^rd graders only this time I was Shane. Again I spent the day keeping Thahbange on topic and today I was helping Alutho with her math homework while making sure Lutho was doing her measurements correctly. I kind of was really upset when we got to dinner because I was informed that everyone who choose not to work with the kids got to deliver food parcels and shared a really deep moment with someone they delivered food to. I still had a great time with my kids and again the teacher told me thank you so much, while the kids all said see you tomorrow Lindsay. Dinner was fantastic as usual and then we got back home in time to watch Muvhango. We had a conversation about what we thought about orphanages or about people in the community who take in many kids. It’s an early night though because arms are just super sore.

Day 2 in Gugs

I did not sleep well last night because just about every noise woke me up. We also have a heater in our room that fully lights it up so every time I woke up my mind tricked me into thinking it was morning because of the light. All the noise of Buyiswa getting ready for work and then the boys for school also woke me up. With any new place though, I know if you give me a day or two to adjust to the sounds I’ll be sleeping like a log again. WE went to the JL Zwane center in the morning, and my heart literally fell. Noxie picked us up around 7:45, which is when the school children go to school. They either walk or take the bus but seeing the hundreds of children of all ages walking to class. It’s just saddening to me how many kids live in areas like this, specifically the shacks. Once at the center we were talking about our first night and how things went. This morning in general I’ve been super emotional and ready to cry. I’m just sad people live in these places and by how humble and thankful they are. One girl’s mom died 2 months ago, and she was so grateful and felt blessed because of all she had, which compared to me is almost nothing. I also was struggling because nobody else seems to have experienced the culture shock or difference or what ever it was I was experiencing last night. They all have homes comparable to Thotho’s and one house even has an indoor shower. Apart from Zukile’s and possibly ours they all have bathtubs. They were all talking this morning about how fantastic their nights were with their families. I’m not saying mine was bad, after we started talking I enjoyed Buyiswa and her family and everything she had to share with me, just I didn’t feel like I could share how I was feeling because none of them were feeling that so I wasn’t sure they would even understand. Also our group turns everything into a joke and were a really sarcastic bunch so probably as a defense mechanism I didn’t bring it up or even want to because I didn’t want it to be made fun of even though I know they wouldn’t be doing that to hurt me.

The first place we went to this morning was Khayelitsha and meet with Lumkile. He was tested HIV positive in 2003, but for two years he didn’t even acknowledge it. He was wearing a red HIV positive T shirt that we all wanted. Someone asked why he choose to ware it or what reactions he gets from it. He said that his main reason for wearing it was to break the silence and stigma around HIV/AIDS. If people don’t wear the shirts then people act like it’s a topic you can’t talk about so people have more problems then because the topic doesn’t get fixed. He told us how the reason it took him two years before he acknowledged he had HIV was because he thought only deathly ill people had the disease and he still felt healthy. Only when he was hospitalized did he realize he really was HIV positive. Then after he realized that he was the only one he could blame he got better physically and mentally. He then became an activist for HIV/AIDS. For a while and still some today believe you can’t get it if you live in the suburbs. The reason why this is a pandemic here is cause man and wife don’t use a condom even though cheating or having multiple partners is common. Also in South Africa 2 women are rapped every 60 seconds. Two rapes are reported a day just in Khayelithsa, but more probably occur that just aren’t reported because the justice system is horrible. cases get stuck in the system for years and people are scared to come forward because they will shift the blame to the victim. They ask questions like why were you in that area? Why did you dress that way? This all just blows my mind because back home you become a registered sex offender and it stays on your record forever. In Khayelitsha the population is about 700,000 making it the largest township, and it’s also the youngest. Side note: Lumklie’s nickname is Valley because his birthday is on Valentines Day.

After a group photo Wanda came in to talk to us. He works with the social justice correlation and the 3 major problems that occurs in the townships is water sanitation, rape, and flooding. Some township areas have such poor water systems that they have a public toilet for 600+ people. This is actually really dangerous because they watch homes waiting for persons to leave for the bathroom to rob them. People also get jumped to and from the toilet along with getting raped. Overall it’s just a horrible situation. Some homes have porta-portas, which is a briefcase basically that you poop in and keep in your house like under the bed or in the kitchen. He also talked about the poor justice system. Some people can just walk free even though they were arrested for rape. Or it’s just getting dealt with now even though it occurred years ago. They would be willing to work with the local government but the government doesn’t want to work with them. Like already said they just turn the blame back onto the victims. Since most of the community is illiterate they have to spread information by word of mouth, which I think helps build community along with getting the word spread. Unfortunately it’s a really long process and not always as effective in short time frames. They also bring in community leaders from the townships to teach/inform them what they need to know. Then the leaders spread the info/teach their community members.

After this we did a quick bus tour of major points in Gugs such as the Gugulethu 7, Amy Biehl, Kiki Hostels, and a market where they make/sell smilies (goats heads). We had about two hours to sit and whatever in the JL Zwane center before lunch would be served. Hershel quickly sat down next to Riise and Suzie, Catherine, me and told us to ask him questions. He just kept saying “when you get back to UCT Alan is going to keep asking us what we learned and be mad if we say something like A is for apple, B for burgers.” Since he wanted us to ask questions that’s exactly what I did. I noticed some of the shacks have solar power and I was wondering how they got that, because in the US solar power technology is so expensive. He said that the government got them for certain people who make less then 2,000Rand. Even though he thought it was a good idea it just created a huge issue of electricity stealing. Riise also asked about all the stray dogs, which he aid was because people are poor and dogs are cheap security. Most of them aren’t strays just pets with a lot more freedom then ours back home. Then someone pointed out that most of the cars are white or black or gray (no/few colors) and was wondering why/ Apparently here they sell cars by brand, type, and color. If it’s a color it costs more. The darker the color the more expensive it is. A lot of make shift stores here are made of shipping containers. Apparently you can buy these and also pay for the transportation and they just drop them off wherever and you set up shop. I’ll be honest in saying that we asked Hershel a ton more questions and although I probably should put them on here, since they are already written out in my journal I’m not going to. We talked about things like the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, Mandela, Mailboxes, sports, the new stadium, fires in the townships, jobs and more. What he said to us at the end was “The day you want to leave is the day you break down because your so much more grateful for everything you have.”

After lunch we helped out at the Rainbow after school program. JL Zwane set it up and students come after school and then get help with their homework. We went into a classroom and just helped the teacher out. Some of the rooms have so many students that I questioned the effectiveness of just one teacher helping out. I was in the 2^nd and 3^rd grade classroom with Megan, Kendall, and Nekey. Those kids are super cute in that they always call Nekey Nicki Minaj. I had a super great time because I absolutely love kids! It also was a great way for me to get back to simpler things in my mind. I was helping kids with their English homework and also with division. I worked almost exclusively with Sazola (Sa-Zoh-La) and Thahbange (Ta-Bong). Sazola needed help on his division and was really confused where as Thahbange had a hard time sitting still and on task so would try and distract the other kids. I kept him on task while guiding Sazola to the right answers. I just felt in my element here even though I was in an area out of my comfort zone. The other students in my classroom that were there that day were Vuyisile, Alutho, Lutho, ZinZi, Inam, Lutwe, and Nomangwane. They all finished their homework about 45 minutes early, but they have to stay in the classroom till 5. Usually they just draw or whatever in a notebook that the teacher keeps, but they’re only allowed to use one side of one page a day, so since I still had my crayons and coloring books in my backpack from the flight I got them out and everyone colored! They don’t get crayons often because they are too expensive for their families to afford so the joy that they had on their faces was priceless to me. I was overwhelmed with a sense of regret. My great grandma often gives me random school supplies and usually they just sit in a drawer for years till the off chance come around and we need it. I was just thinking of all the things I have in my room alone that I could have brought. I just didn’t think that crayons would be something amazing to them because most kids in the states all have their own box of crayons. I was really touched when the teacher at the end of class came up to me and said thank you so much. It made such a difference that I was there because usually she has to spend her whole time monitoring Thahbange so the other students don’t always get the attention that they need.

For dinner every night we always go one of our home stay mom’s place for dinner so that way the group can get back together as a whole and have time to reflect about that day and share different experiences we might be having with the rest of the group. We always get like a feast of food for dinner, and since for lunch I’m typically eating rice and some sort of green vegetable slaw I’m respectably hungry and therefore probably respectably overeat at dinner. My home stay mom doesn’t usually come to dinner though. Her home is one of the farthest away where as the others all sort of live on the same street or a block away from each other. She also doesn’t have a car so she would have to walk to the location. Not that this is a big deal for her but she works in Camps Bay super early in the morning and is fairly active in the AIDS support groups with Nombeko. She also works with the youth groups and all of these things meet at about the same time we go to dinner. Getting back to her place I was nervous again just because of how much I struggled the night before. There were no surprise guests over this time so that deffinitly helped. I don’t know if she knew I was still trying to find comfort and be less overwhelmed or what, but we took it easy and watched soaps. This is when I realized that I have fallen in love with Muvhango a soap about a chief that has two wives. Then he is cheating on his wives with his second wife’s younger sister who just came out of her teens. It’s just so crazy and they love watching our reactions to the show more than the show itself. I was just experiencing a lot of wanting to help. We got to see the library they are going to open and I wanted to just give them all the books in my basement that we still have even though they are directed more towards grade school readers. I just really wanted to do something, but wasn’t sure what or how. That’s basically the way I felt all day, and having become less overwhelmed going home wasn’t as emotional as it was the day before.

Day one in Gugs

So everyone be prepared to read a novel. Since I wasn't sure exactly how I was going to blog everything that happened in the last week in a few days I just copied entrys from my journal.

This morning, after my banana chocolate muffin we went straight to church at the JL Zwane 1^st Presbiterian Chruch in Gugulethu. As we were driving through Gugs looking for the JL Zwane center my anxiety rose quite a bit. It really didn’t help that Hershal got half the group going in the wrong direction. I also was finally able to see the informal dwellings up close. There tend to be a lot of stray dogs wondering around, and when Godfrey dropped us off he was worried about our safty. He kept telling us not to go out at night, don’t go any where in a group of less then 3, don’t drive at night, don’t show off our stuff, and he kept going on. So far though I haven’t been worried about my safety all that much. When we got to church we locked all our bags and food for lunch in the office. The service was so different from services at my church back home. They all seem to know all the words to all the songs. Although I was given a hymn to sing along in I can barely speak Xhosa let alone read it, so I didn’t quite know what was being said. It was still a great experience everyone should do. The songs were lively; people were dancing in the isle, standing during every song and clearly passionate! The sermon though was my favorite part. The reverend had so much to say that I hadn’t thought of before, but made perfect sense to me. The community here in Gugs is so close that you go to your neighbor’s house for anything and everything’s. Although in our own history we always say in stories you go to your neighbor’s house to borrow a cup of sugar I’ve never done or heard of someone doing that. We typically juts go to the store and get what ever we need ourselves. Here they always go to their neighbors. The Reverend said, “the day we no longer need to go to our neighbors for bread or something is a sad day because that is what makes us go to our neighbors.” This is so true. I live in a suburb full of children so I do usually seem y neighbors, but in my apartment building I never knew or spoke to my neighbor’s apart from the football player who helped us move the couch out of our room during the last week. He also then spoke a little bit about how we need to start celebrating differences more. I think this came up solely because our group was there and were from a different country and race and some also in religion. I enjoyed this part to because one of my goals for this trip is to learn how to be a global citizen and what I can do to contribute to solving global problems and this got me thinking about that right away.

There was a couple from Texas who were at church with us. There church has teamed up with the one we were at and they came to see it. Both churches raise money as a church and then send some members from their churches to others in the country, continent, and world. They were currently discussing sending some to one in Johannesburg. I don’t know how I would do it, but I loved this idea and would love to find a way for my own church to do something similar. They go for two days and do a home stay with members of a church they’re going to visit the next day. This way they also get to experience a little bit of the culture, which is nice if the church you’re visiting is farther away. There was a short meeting before church where they talked about a new nuclear plant they’re getting. It was a time for questions to be answered.

When church was done we got to eat our lunch. I’m not gunna lie, but I keep getting egg sandwiches, and I’m worried I’m going to get ill. I don’t care for eggs to begin with, but you can’t keep that sitting out for long, which is what we’ve been doing. The milk is whole and warm so I have the same concerns about that too. We were then given a brief introduction to the center. One thing they do is an after school program that helps children with homework and provides them with a meal between 3-5pm. They also are partnered with Open Arms so they deliver food to people in the community with HIV/AIDS, orphans and those struck with sever poverty.

There is both a funeral and a wedding today that most all of our home stay families are at so we all went to Thotho’s house for lunch till the families got back. Nekey and I both got a ride to her place first, since we all had to get rides in 2-3 at a time. We got to the home and I was honestly surprised how nice the inside looked. I suppose since the outside doesn’t look like anything I’m used to and my stereotypes/expectations had already kicked in, I just figured the inside would look poor like the outside, but I was so wrong. I can’t say that all the informal homes have such nice insides since so far this is the only one I’ve been in, but I like it here. While we were waiting for the others to get here Nekey and I were having a sorta deep conversation. I call it sort of deep because it was about feelings I don’t often have the ability to express and be understood. She was telling me how she felt super out of place (like she stood out most) at church even though in physical appearance she blends in the best. I could understand that feeling because I have the same one when I go to places my tribe owns. I look like I belong, I’m the right race, but since I’m not actually living there or speak the language or follow the practices really at all I stand out more. At least I feel like I do. I could fully understand how she was feeling and was happy I actually had advice to give and we both bonded.

For lunch/dinner with Thotho we had such a wide variety of foods that were ethnic South African foods. We have had some since we arrived on May 23^rd but not a whole ton.

K so I stopped writing when I was at Thotho’s and was feeling pretty good. Then Zukile gave Elisa and I a ride to our home stay family and I was still feeling all right at first thanks to Kelsey’s massage. Not going to lie I got uncomfortable right away. Thotho’s house and the ones around it are like super small versions of ours back home. Hers had a brick front and as I mentioned a while ago all the homes have fences, gates or stonewalls around them. Then we got to Buyiswa’s home and on the left side of the street are even smaller versions of Thotho’s house and on the right side were shacks. They’re were tons of people and dogs walking around outside starring because we obviously weren’t from Gugs and my anxiety level skyrocketed. She also didn’t have a fence and she did have a gate on her front door, but her front door didn’t close all the way, which for me personally I just feel more comfortable when the front door closes all the way in a place I’m uncomfortable. She showed us to our room and pointed out that the door had no handle so if we close it all the way we’ll lock ourselves in. The bathroom is located outside, but since it is to dangerous to go outside at nigh she put a chamber pot in our bedroom. She had us sit in the living room and the TV was playing native dancing and singing. All of a sudden 3 women showed up and one started showing us a long slide show of pictures she took at what I later gathered was her book signing. I didn’t know that right away though and then when they were all talking to each other in Xhosa I wanted to start crying because I was regretting coming. Others were in homes I considered to safer or at least more comfortable, although we had all been reassured our families were chosen because they were safe and could accommodate us. I was hit by the realness of the situation with a bit of culture shock and I think the one thing that kept me from bursting out into tears right then was when the baby Zazaza came into the room.

Before we got to South Africa I was told I would be staying with her along with her 33 year old daughter and 2 sons. Her sister from Port Elizabeth is also here because Buyiswa goes to work early in the morning and she wanted someone to be there with us in the morning. I didn’t know about the baby, but I’m grateful he was there. One of the two women remaining that I was expecting to see was Nombuko. She is HIV positive because she was gang raped when she was younger. She, along with 14 others, wrote a book that was published in both English and Xhosa. I’m still unsure who the last woman was because she wasn’t introduced, but she also is HIV positive with a book coming out soon. The women are all working together to start a new HIV/AIDS support group, but this is directed more towards children who don’t have it, and speaks about prevention and use of a condom. She said we only deal with problems after thy happen and she wants to deal with them before. WE also talked a ton about drinking. Here the legal age is 18 and Elisa commented on a commercial that stated that. Buyiswa asked what ours was and when I said 21 she instantly said she wanted that here. I’m not going to lie, even though I know the horrible ravages drinking can have on families, and individuals I’ve always been in favor of lowering the drinking age to 18 so I was curious why she wanted theirs raised. It was eye opening what she had to say. I’ve already stated that drinking here is a problem, but she told me it starts around age 11, which isn’t what I thought. Peer pressure is number 1 since younger kids go to the same school as older kids. Another big problem, which ties in also with drugs, is kids getting sucked in by dealers who then in return or alcohol or nice cloths they have to sell the drugs for the dealers. “Dealers know we are poor so they target our children. They plant someone dressed in all nice cloths with all the gadgets and then our children want that. But we are poor and have to say no. We say no, no, no all the time causing fighting, and somewhere out there someone will say yes. Then after a few months of giving them everything they want, they say now you have to do something for me because you owe me.” She also said she wants the drinking age raised because at 21 you’re finished most of your schooling and by then you have goals. If you start drinking at 18 you might not have goals and the alcohol can stop you from ever making them. I asked about the road block system because it was an idea I fell in love with when Alan told me about it, but she explained how it doesn’t really work. First they don’t do it often. Months can go by between sessions. Second they don’t do it in the townships where drinking can be the worst. Third they tend to only do a street or two so word spreads and people just avoid those streets. She along with myself, think it’s a great idea if it could be better implemented.

Then we took a break from the seriousness with a biscuit and her elder son Cepho showed us some of his drawings. They were AMAZING considering his age. I’m double his age and draw far worse. He didn’t believe me about that. Then we spoke a little about leadership since that is why we came to South Africa in the first place. She is obviously a leader in her community, but she was telling how hard it is to come out and say it because she knows it will cause much more work for her. She gave us an example about how she gave one woman a blanket and soon many more showed up and cried to her like the first also hoping for a blanket and knowing she’s a leader, but she had nothing to give them so they get upset with her. A good leader needs to be willing to put themselves in a position where more work than they would like to take on or feel comfortable doing can occur.

So on day 1 in Gugs I was nervous, comfortable, happy, ok, uncomfortable, on the brink of tears, relaxed, inspired and now I’m nervous again. I knew this week was going to be hard I just didn’t know what form “hard” was going to take. Even now as I write I can hear the wind blowing against the house, stray dogs barking, men shouting, and every now and again a car horn beeps and I jump proving I’m still clearly not quite comfortable with my surroundings yet. I'm just super overwhelmed right now by everything. Regardless, I was looking forward to this week and still am.

Safari

Today we woke up bright and early at 6:30 in the morning because the drive to the Inverdoorn Game Reserve is about 2 hours long. Since the ride is that long waking up that early didn’t bother me a ton since I planned in advance on sleeping in the van. Driving through cities is always fun in my opinion because I’m definitely in love with cities. That’s the biggest reason why I went to the UofM for college. On our way there we had to drive through a mountain literally. I can’t remember the name of the tunnel but it is one of the longest ones in the world. Now the only thing left on my list of things to drive through is a tree. Once we got through the mountain we were driving all around mountains and I don’t know but it sort of felt like a scene out of the movie Spirit.

At the safari we got to see lions, giraffes, springbuck, buffalo, zebras, cheetahs and more! The cheetahs were the best because we were literally feet away from them. The girl driving our vehicle while we were next to the cheetahs told us the story about the cheetah attack and showed us her scars. Probably not the best time to be telling us about a cheetah attack but it was still awesome. While we were driving around she also pulled over and gave us a leaf off this bush, which she told us to chew on. It was extremely salty in taste, and she told us not to swallow it. After it was in our mouth she joked that the reason why it was so salty was because a giraffe peed on it. That wasn’t the case (possibly) because the plant is actually salty to encourage some of the animals that eat it to drink more water.

The location of the safari is actually the coldest location in South Africa. Since the vehicles don’t have windows and were driving it was quite windy and I was a little cold. I was super sad because we didn’t get to see a rhino. The rain was coming and they are very sensitive so they try to avoid the wind by going deep into the brush. Not gunna lie I was super sad. There also were no elephants (sorry Colleen) but they’re getting them in two years, making them the first game reserve in South Africa to have them.

After the ride we got to eat lunch. I got a stuffed eggplant dish and it was amazingly delicious. I regret not taking a picture of it.  Then I slept for the majority of the ride back till Jane woke me up at the tollbooth to show us more wild baboons. We also on the ride back saw a DOUBLE RAINBOW ALL THE WAY!

This is the end of part one of my time in South Africa. Part two is our time in the township of Gugulethu. While were there were not going to have access to the internet so although I’m not posting on my blog I’m not dead.