So today was another crazy emotional roller coaster day. We did a lot of outings in the community to visit certain people. We went to Pricilla’s house and she is the foster mom of 12 children. I was surprised how much this related to the conversation Buyiswa and I were having the night before. The house was so small considering that so many people were living in it. Pricilla is actually quite old and she is recovering from a stroke so walking standing for a long time isn’t easy. She also in the morning babysits a ton of kids from the area while their parents are at work. The kids were super cute as always but the room smelt so horrible. We got to look around and see the one bedroom with 5 bunk beds shoved into it for the boys. The girl’s room only had like 3 beds in it but someone pointed out the mold in the corner. Buyiswa and I were talking about how we thought this wasn’t a good idea because one woman can’t give enough attention to all of those kids to be a good environment for them. I later realized an easier way to describe this is to animal hoarders. They love every single one of them but eventually it gets to a point where love alone isn’t enough. We also visited this one room home of someone we didn’t even get to know the name of. The room was the size of my dorm room freshmen year but that was their kitchen, living room, bedroom, everything. It was really uncomfortable for me because of the smell but also because we were just walking in to their small home and then walking out. We didn’t even get to talk to them really because we had to get out so the others could filter in.
We also went to Noxie’s school. It’s considered one of the best in the area and I don’t know about the education standards but it looked like a prison. They didn’t really have a play ground that looked safe. It was really faded and looked like it was about to fall apart. Their courtyard was also mostly cement. The kids though were great! The first graders and kids in R (kindergarden) were singing for us in both Xhosa and English. I darn near filled my camera memory taking video of it so I can smile again.
After lunch we went and visited Mary Sili and discussed her life during apartheid. It was really sad, but I enjoyed getting to talk to her because we haven’t really talked all that much about it since we got here to Gugs. She then showed us her old passbook, which everyone of color needed to carry to prove that they were doing what they were doing for a reason. We also talked about how you can have two colored or two black parents but then you as the child can be a different race. So she identifies as black where as her sister as colored.
The part of the day that moved me most was when we visited a woman and her son, both of whom are HIV positive. She was infected through a blood transfusion and just sort of chose to ignore it since she didn’t feel sick. Then when her son was born he was really ill and small and they tested him proving he was HIV positive. It was then when she remembered. He was so tiny and sick so she tried to go back home but her family wanted nothing to do with them and kicked them to the curb. She then had no other choice but to go to the Red Cross to get the medications she and her son needed, because after he was born she then began getting very ill. He too was ill with something else when he was born and had to have a lung removed. Although it was school hours when we visited she keeps her son home from school when the weather is bad because she doesn’t want him to get sick. He has “fits” as she called them which I think are like seizures except he doesn’t show signs typical of seizures like convulsions. She was so nice and welcoming of us into her home, and her son was for the most part just a typical kid at heart. Because he can’t always go outside the neighborhood kids and his friends come to him. She was joking that if you can’t let him go out you have to be willing to let everyone in. She was so thankful for everything she had, and was told when her son was born he would only make it 2 years tops and now he’s 8. I was just so impressed with the resilience of both of them. Under such situations I’m not sure I would have been able to care for myself and another human life just as ill.
During reflection a lot of us were struggling with the overall way we did the visits today. We felt like we were being paraded around to most of the homes to see people as if they were on display. Especially the family that lived in the hostile. We literally walked in, looked around, walked out. I know the point is to see the community as it really is; how people are living, but I guess we never truly felt welcomed to the locations in which we went. In my last leadership class we spent a great deal of time about welcoming and although we were told we were welcomed before going out, in some places we just weren’t feeling it. I also struggled a lot with wanting to do something, but knowing there is nothing I can actually do. A sense of helplessness is not something I’m used to feeling and I don’t find it comfortable to be in many places where I want to be able to do something, but cant. Some of us chipped in money, but that’s just a short-term fix since the amount wasn’t that great to make a lifetime difference. Right now I’m just feeling sort of useless. There is so much that needs help or work or even just time, and I can’t give any of that right now.
I may have forgotten to mention this yesterday but my home stay mom also received a food parcel because she is poor. Since were spending 6 days and 5 nights with them of course part of our tuition fee for this trip went straight to them so that way they could pay for the extra food we would be consuming. Last night she asked us if we liked ice cream and of course we said yes, so tonight as soon as we got home and started watching Muvhango she gave us each a bowl of ice cream. I know that we gave money so food could be bought for us, but I feel super uncomfortable because none of them are eating any ice cream at the same time. You can’t tell me out of the 3 boys not one of them wanted it. I also feel sort of in the way when it comes to dishes because I never know what to do. I have no problem washing my own or everyone’s dishes for the night but when I go into the kitchen with that thought the sink is full of many things and I don’t know if they are clean or dirty or drying or what, and while my mind is running through possible options mom takes the bowl from me and then I just stand there in the way. I have no problem if my money goes to buying ice cream that we all share and I would much prefer that. It just makes this experience all the more real. This morning I washed my hair in a bucket of water because that’s how they, and in truth most of the members of the township, wash themselves. I only did my hair and it was a challenge. Once you get it all wet and then soap your head up your rinsing the soap out of your hair with soapy water. It was a challenge and I needed Elisa’s help because of the length of my hair. I choose not to wash my entire body, and although I’m sure they’ve worked a system out I can’t imagine how it would be done. The bucket had maybe 3 inches of water in it that had to be heated in a teakettle. Now I really appreciate the showers and bathroom back at Riverview that only a few days ago I wasn’t so pleased about.
